Sabotaging Happines

I feel like every single time I feel happy he sabotages it—even now.

What are the first times I was really clear about it. In my mind was in Cyprus when he was cooking and I was reading and everything was peaceful and I was so happy I thought everything was perfect exactly how I want to live and then That evening or the next day is when he had a panic attack about money.

Then there were other times where I mentioned that I was really happy and then he would become distant or start a fight. Now even with the separation, I mentioned in my email that I was feeling happy and what happened almost immediately after was he cut communication.

When I returned from Cyprus after New Year’s I was feeling stable and then he gave me this emotional look of like not looking good. I said, why don’t we sit down and he’s like no because this is too hard on me, and then it became emotional, and then the rest of the day I was feeling unstable and hopeful and ruminating about how we belong together.

I think that’s another cycle that he does. I think it’s the same thing that happened when we got into a big fight he keeps sabotaging happiness when things are going well it scares the shit out of him or that I’m gonna be moving on still even in the separation. I think it’s to scare me to submission and brings me to his emotional space—he keeps bringing me down with him. I think he definitely sabotages my happiness, my stability and this is what I’ve been trying to explain.